If you are reading this blog post, commend yourself for your strength, courageousness, and the abundance of love in your heart. Being right here on this very page means you are one step closer to repairing your relationship with your father. Yet a question you might still ask yourself is —
The interactions between you and the man tasked to raise you, whether he’s your biological or adoptive father, can affect the way you mature, value yourself, and communicate your emotions in other relationships. When your relationship with him remains strained year after year, you may struggle to realize your worth, become indecisive and temperamental, have low self-esteem, and experience countless other consequences that interfere with building a healthy life.
Here are five tips to help ease the strain between you two.
Although wounds take time to heal and some scars never fade, remember that those cuts and bruises happened in the past. Be honest with yourself about any wounds that still sting, and then take full responsibility for your feelings. If you continue to blame your dad for causing you pain, you can never let go of the negative feelings that prevent you from repairing your relationship.
Writing is one way to express and release your emotions without having to face the person you have such strong feelings for. Be honest in your writing, familiarize yourself with the hurt, and then let go. You never even have to show him what you write.
Unless you close the space between you two, nothing will change. Did it ever cross your mind that maybe — just maybe — your father wants the same this as you? Try reaching out by inviting him to have coffee with you. It could be the first milestone toward developing a positive connection with him.
Giving up the dream of a perfect relationship with him might be for the best. Instead, aspire to have an improving relationship with your dad. Accept that tension between you two may exist, and that mending a strained relationship does not happen overnight.
Like how you want your dad to understand you, it’s important to lend your ears, keep an open mind, and listen to your father’s side of the story. If mending your relationship is something you truly want, try to make one simple request at a time. This way, your dad doesn’t feel overwhelmed. It may take several requests, as well as a lot of back and forth before you reach an agreement.
Choosing to forgive does not mean you condone your father’s hurtful actions. Forgiving someone symbolizes moving forward, accepting flaws, and having the courage to be at peace with someone who hurt you — regardless if they don’t feel the same way.
Healing your wounds with your father is possible, which disables your past from impacting your present life and relationships. Whether it’s Father’s Day or not, give you and your dad the gift of peace. Try to release the anger and work toward building a happy, healthy life.